The Art of Handling a Breakup

Coping with a breakup can be one of the hardest things we can ever do, and on an emotional level, it can be one of the most painful processes in our lives. Losing a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife can feel like your heart is being torn apart. Relationship problems are one of the top three reasons students seek counselling, many of which end in divorce.

Humans are not well prepared for breakups because we are rarely taught anything about healthy coping after a breakup. Using these suggestions will not prevent you from experiencing the pain of loss, instead, it will help you get through the grieving process as quickly as possible and ultimately move toward a more fulfilling relationship in the future.

A breakup or divorce takes you into unknown territory. Everything is disrupted: your routine and responsibilities, your home, your relationships counselling with relatives and friends, and even your identity. The difference also brings uncertainty about the future. What would life be like without a partner? Can you find someone else? Will you be left alone? These unknowns can often feel worse than an unhappy relationship.

1. Take care of yourself

When you're stuck in despair, you don't think clearly and probably don't think about your well-being. But that's when it matters most. Previous studies have shown that the differences can lead to insomnia and decreased immune function. Focus on the basics: adjust your exercise routine, sleep well, eat healthy and maintain positive social connections.

2. Write a letter to your ex

"Often clients will write a letter to their ex thanking them for what they got from the relationship and saying goodbye," says Chief. Adapted from Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas, this exercise can give you the necessary closure.

3. Surround yourself with people you love

Your heart may tell you to stay in bed and ignore the outside world, but getting out makes you feel better. A study published in October 2021 by the International Association for Research in Relationships found that social interaction can protect against feelings of loneliness and depression. "Rely on your support system," says Chief. Let your friends support you so you have extra love around you. Say yes to invitations for coffee or hanging out on the couch.

4. Expect it to take time to heal

Here's the hard truth: getting better will probably take time. You may even have a string of good days before something triggers you and takes you right back to where you started. Recovery isn't always linear, and sometimes strong emotions come out of nowhere, Please note that this is expected. It is even possible that you will never completely get over this person. That's normal, too,. The most important thing is to learn to move on. Losing is part of the education of the human heart,

5. Feel the feelings, and hold space for them

Whatever you're feeling, just know that it's okay to have feelings, And when you think about it, just having these feelings shows your openness to love. Being able to feel that deeply is a great predictor of your next relationship. Breakups, rejection and loss are painful and make us more empathetic to others. Instead of pushing negative feelings away, talk about them directly with a friend, therapist, family member, or mentor. Writing down your feelings, even for 10 to 15 minutes at a time for days at a time, can make a world of difference, You can even tear the paper if you want.

6. Do something kind for someone else

Sometimes it can be helpful to get out of your head and focus on something or other. A small study published in 2018 in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General found that distraction was an effective post-breakup strategy. Doing something good for someone else instantly lifts your spirits and puts your problems into perspective. Volunteering, for example, is a great way to recover from a breakup. You can also arrange to volunteer with a friend who is getting divorced if they want.

7. Get professional help

While this is normal and necessary for you to feel like yourself again, it can be worrying if you don't get better over time. If days turn into weeks when you're struggling at work or school, talk to someone. It's okay to be sad, but it's not okay to end your life. Ask a counsellor or therapist to clarify things. Professional opinion can be very beneficial and can lead to personal growth

8. Don't personalize the loss

It's natural to blame yourself after a breakup but try not to personalize the loss for too long. Most of the pain of a breakup comes from seeing the loss as your fault and regretting the choices you made. This process of self-blame can go on indefinitely if you let it. It is much more useful to see the result as the result of conflicting needs and incompatibilities that are nobody's fault. Each person in a relationship tries to meet their own needs, and some couples can help meet each other's needs and others cannot. One of the biggest problems is the ability to communicate and negotiate their needs. It's not an easy thing to learn, so don't blame yourself or try to blame your ex. He is also likely to do his best because of their personality and life history. No one enters a relationship to fail or hurt the other person.

If you can be happy, hopeful, and comforted with the wrong person…imagine how organically happy you would be with the right one.